When I was teaching and working with families (early childhood special ed), one of the terms parents would often use to describe their child was ‘stubborn.’
“She’s so stubborn! I can’t get her to do anything I want her to do!”
“He think there’s only one way to do something - his way!”
“Once he’s made up his mind about something, that’s it. He’s so stubborn!”
These parents would use the word stubborn to define their children, but from these examples, you can see that they’re talking about very different behaviors or personality traits.
“She’s so stubborn! I can’t get her to do anything I want her to do!”
In this example, what the parent is describing as ‘stubborn’ is actually an unwillingness on their child’s part to do what the parent wants them to do. There’s a fundamental conflict going on, where the parent wants them to do something and the child is actively resisting. The parent wants their child to ‘cooperate’ by complying with their wishes (which is not actually the definition of the word cooperate - look it up).
Can Human Design explain why a child might actively resist your requests - especially if it’s a frequent occurrence? Sometimes :)
If you’ve eliminated a developmental reason for frequent resistance to requests of your child (a child aged 2 will automatically answer any request you make of them - or even a yes/no question - with the answer, “no!” for example), then Human Design can sometimes give insight. Here’s one possible insight.
When a child has the Gate 38 in the Root center defined, they’ll often ‘fight you’ on your requests, your opinions, or your solutions to problems. Gate 38, The Gate of The Fighter in Traditional Human Design or The Gate of the Visionary in Quantum Human Design is where we develop the wisdom to know what to commit to and fight for. In the unbalanced expression of this gate, we might tend to fight for the sake of fighting.
Since children are learning and developing discernment, when they have the Gate 38 defined they’ll often fight for ‘no good reason.’ And if you as the parent also have this gate defined…! Well, let’s just say you both have the opportunity to learn what’s worth (and not worth) fighting for. Pick your battles, as the saying goes.
In my small family, 3 out of the 4 of us have the Gate 38 defined. One evening my adult daughter and husband and I were having dinner. Neither of them is at all interested in Human Design, but I posited to them that of the 4 in our family only one of us does not have the Gate of The Fighter (known for ‘stubbornness’ in conflicts) defined. I wondered aloud whether they could guess which family member that was. Neither of them had any trouble quickly deciding which of us didn’t have that Gate defined in their chart!
“He think there’s only one way to do something - his way!”
In this example, the parent is describing a situation where the child has a firm notion of how something is, or how something is supposed to occur. Consider the following.
6-year-old Bobby is learning about animals and is especially interested in reptiles. His favorite bedtime book is a compendium of reptiles from around the world. He knows that the last reptile in his book is the Zonosaurus, and every reading of the book ends with this reptile (even if mom and dad skip a lot of the other reptiles in between).
But tonight Dad has decided that to change it up, tonight they’ll end with the Viper. When he closes the book after reading about the Viper, Bobby begins to protest. They haven’t read about the Zonosaurus yet! Dad tries to explain that they don’t need to read the book in exactly the same way EVERY time, but Bobby is adamant. Dad is doing it wrong!
Looking at Bobby’s profile lines gives some insight into the reasons for his upset at finishing the book in a different way than usual. Profile lines express one’s personality. Line 4 is called The Opportunist in Traditional Human Design and The Stabilizer in Quantum Human Design. These people are comforted by and find safety in structure and routines. They like to know when something is going to be different so that they can prepare for it and decide whether they want to participate.
In this case Bobby is expressing his 4/6 Profile by wanting to follow the same pattern each time he and his dad are reading his book. When dad springs the change on Bobby without any warning, he protests because ending with Zonosaurus is the way they always end the book. Ending the book with a different reptile feels very off to him.
Is Bobby’s dad locked into doing everything in the same way every time? Not at all. But changes for Bobby will proceed more smoothly if he’s given a heads up before the change happens. Dad could say, “Tonight I want to do something different. I’m going to choose a different reptile to be the last one.” When he ends with Viper Bobby might protest, anyway. That’s okay! Dad could offer to let Bobby ‘read’ about the Zonosaurus, since Dad finished with the Viper.
Everyone needs to learn to manage changes to routine, even Line 4’s who lean strongly on their structure. (And yes, there really is a reptile named the Zonosaurus that lives in Madagascar)
“Once he’s made up his mind about something, that’s it. He’s so stubborn!”
In this last example the parent is describing a child who holds a certain belief, and then resists changing it. Theo, who is 9 years old, has recently met 3 different peers who are quite tall compared to him. These 3 are also very good at playing soccer.
When Theo’s mom suggests signing him up for after school soccer, he tells her, “I can’t play soccer because I’m not tall enough.” This doesn’t make any sense to Theo’s mom, because she knows being tall isn’t a requirement for playing soccer. But no matter how hard she tries to discuss it with Theo, she can’t dissuade him from his belief that “only tall kids can play soccer.”
What’s going on in this example?
Sometimes a Defined Ajna center is in play when ideas and beliefs are rigidly held. The Ajna center carries the energy of and ability to hold onto fixed ideas or belief systems. When you have this center defined, you can feel CERTAIN about thoughts and ideas. It can be difficult to see things from a different angle and your thinking might be rigid and inflexible. It can be hard for people with a defined Ajna to change their mind about something.
When someone has a Defined Ajna it’s important to learn the skill of listening to other points of view and becoming open to different ideas. Rather than argue with Theo, his mom might casually point out pictures of soccer players in magazines or newspapers who are not as tall as others. They might attend a local soccer match and talk about the qualities of the players besides their height. Theo’s mom isn’t aiming to make him admit that she is right and he is wrong. She’s teaching him that sometimes you have to change your mind about something you believe, when you discover evidence contrary to what you believe.
Stubbornness is a behavior (or quality) that parents often encounter in their children! When you investigate and understand the underlying reasons for it, you can work with your child in situations where they’re being stubborn. Looking at both of your Human Designs can help.
Are these the only reasons you might encounter stubbornness in situations with your child? Of course not. Human Design and people are much more complex than these simple explanations. But seeing how the quality of ‘stubbornness’ might be reflected in the Human Design chart may give you a broader perspective about the trait. When you think about a problem differently, you’re better able to solve it. Human Design can help.
Now, just for fun and perspective, you can ask yourself these questions,
Is your child often stubborn? Is there a pattern to their stubbornness?
Where are you being stubborn in your life? Do you have a pattern?
I love responding to parents with questions, so if you have one, comment below!
Ha! I was a stubborn one as a kid! I wish my parents had these kinds of tools, my childhood might have been very different!